today's rambles

Today is Wednesday or Thursday.. Does it even matter? Everyday is basically the same day... Wake up to children screaming for me to let them out of their rooms, yes, the baby proof knobs keep them from escaping their rooms at night. Call CPS if you like... I sleep better knowing they can't escape my house or hurt themselves in the middle of the night... after all, I have the spy camera in their rooms to make sure they are ok while they sleep and if they escaped I couldn't see their every move. We live Big Brother in this house. Chad says by the time they are teenagers I have to take down the spy cams...We'll see. So today we come home from a great playdate with Rhett and Wyatt and m asks me "Mom, can I go poop in my window?" Most people would think what the??  Well, my creature of habit stands at his window, under the drapes and poops, everyday around nap time. He is going to be one of those men... Schedules life around eliminations. My body has never done anything consistently so this is quite irritating to me. He likes his privacy and complains that I don't give him enough time to do his business. How old is this person? If this is any indication of the level of pampering this child may demand, some woman is in serious trouble. He still thinks he is going to marry me some day. Chad crushed his being last week and told him he couldn't marry me because it was against the law. He cried and said he was going to marry me and Blake would be our baby. Blake is fine with it. He is happy with the thought he will marry his cousin, Sarahbeth. She is more than 10 years older than him but he doesn't see that. I figure by the time he is in middle school Blake won't want to marry Sarahbeth and Marshall won't want to marry me so for now, let them dream. I think it is harmless. They have sweet crushes on their teenage babysitters. I figure it is perfectly natural and I can't control their little minds. Emotions shouldn't be squelched when they are innocent and harmless:) On the subject of emotions... my emotions have been all over the board. I had a great visit with Dr. Sue on Monday and it has helped me balance out the extremes. I was weepy for the past week. Anything about Kathleen, Georgia Kate, Joshua or a baby hit me raw...Our friend's son Caden is in a battle for his life against neuroblastoma. Reading his mom, Lexi's posts have cut me to the core. I think I am sooo blessed. How can I even compare. She is suffering with her child and watching the most horrific thing, her child in pain and dying. I find some comfort knowing my babies didn't suffer. I still can't grasp how this crazy world works and why it doesn't make sense...Why some get sick and some don't and why things happen so randomly. I am content knowing that I will NEVER understand this world. I don't have to have the answers. I always thought asking why was a sin. I have now learned, that until we ask why, we are not growing in our faith. We must question every fiber of our belief before we can understand who we are and what we believe. How do you learn if you never ask questions and if you never make mistakes. I know God wants us to trust him and I can accept that. I also know that many of the things I question, I believe are not from God. They are from the corrupt world we live in. We live through the consequences of those who came before us and their actions. God gives us free will and we have crapped on everything perfect he has provided for us. I don't think he causes pain or sickness. K always told me God wants us to be happy and healthy. I think we f''ed up the gifts he gave us. As for Caden, I believe God is grieving with his family. I think we are called to be God's hands and feet and bring love and hope to those who suffer.